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Lucky Charms cereal enters gay marriage debate
20 February 2012 8:20 PM | 1 Comment -
Chinese officials deny independence of Taiwanese Linsanity
14 February 2012 3:51 PM | No Comments -
WikiLeaks releases Bin Laden’s journal
12 February 2012 12:50 PM | No Comments -
Mitt Romney vows to start having affairs
25 January 2012 11:15 PM | No Comments -
Scientists confirm Earth’s climatologists getting hotter
24 January 2012 6:04 PM | No Comments -
Judge rules Devil must return M. Night Shyamalan’s soul
11 January 2012 1:20 PM | No Comments -
Pat Robertson says God wants a mattress sale
10 January 2012 8:43 PM | No Comments -
Banks announce fee for thinking about money
24 December 2011 8:53 AM | No Comments
Lucky Charms cereal enters gay marriage debate
NASA accused of promoting gay climate change agenda
Staff
NASA accused of promoting gay climate change agenda
Rep. Joe Walsh seeks tax breaks for deadbeat dads
Ben & Jerry’s launches Republican primary ice cream
Ben & Jerry’s launches Republican primary ice cream
Thousands of birthers arrested
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BREAKING HEADLINES
A Chicago Dope Exclusive!
Chicago Archive
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Banks announce fee for thinking about money
Posted on December 24, 2011 | No CommentsBanks find a unique new way to boost profits. -
What are we giving for Christmas?
Posted on December 19, 2011 | No CommentsWe asked Chicago residents what they are likely to give friends, family and loved ones for Christmas. -
Disgraced alderman silent on prison teardrop tattoo
Posted on November 28, 2011 | No CommentsAlderman 'Fast Eddie' Vrydolyak is mum about life behind bars -
Convicted serial killer proud of his Chicago roots
Posted on October 13, 2011 | No CommentsCrazed lunatic Tom Dombrowski does his hometown proud. -
Local baby born ready
Posted on August 29, 2011 | 4 CommentsObstetricians who delivered little Trevor Gould have no doubt that he will be prepared to handle most anything. -
University of Chicago: Rogue jazz booster alleges Music Department corruption
Posted on August 23, 2011 | No CommentsA disgruntled jazz band booster claims extensive NCAA violations among the University of Chicago's Music Department -
Boys recount perilous journey across lava-covered living room floor
Posted on July 18, 2011 | No CommentsThe Johnson brothers survived a harrowing experience and still argue with their friend Danny over whether he died or not. -
Chicago complains its sister city is ‘like, so totally annoying’
Posted on July 2, 2011 | No CommentsBogotá, Columbia, Chicago's sister city since 2009, won't stop being such a butthead. -
Local weather man “just trying to warn you about a f*#cking tornado!!!”
Posted on June 29, 2011 | No CommentsThey're called severe storm warnings for a reason!! -
Office jackass thinks he’s just ‘shaking things up a bit’
Posted on June 18, 2011 | No CommentsDavid West wants his co-workers to think 'outside the box'; his co-workers think he's a tool. -
Joe Berrios calls for more Cook County corruption
Posted on May 31, 2011 | No CommentsAssessor vows to revive the county Democratic machine. -
Lawyers sue over large breasts in court
Posted on May 27, 2011 | No CommentsAttorney claims mammaries make his memory.... um... what? -
Suburbs brace for cleavage invasion from Tilted Kilt
Posted on May 18, 2011 | 1 CommentBelly shirts and plaid skirts could be the end of western civilization. -
Music critic pretty sure that half of bands appearing at Lollapalooza don’t actually exist
Posted on May 6, 2011 | No CommentsAttendees won't be able to listen to Wolf Lick or Fuzzy Dildo after all. -
Juan Pierre’s throw to second base expected to arrive shortly
Posted on April 15, 2011 | 4 CommentsDespite delays in transit, White Sox officials claim that Juan Pierre's throw to second base is still in route -
‘Living each day as if it were his last’ leaves man clinically depressed
Posted on April 15, 2011 | No CommentsLiving like there's no tomorrow leaves little hope of tomorrow for Thomas Rittman. -
Shutdown averted: The Man continues to keep you down
Posted on April 9, 2011 | No CommentsThe plutocrats battle the autocrats over how to keep the little guy down. -
Woman dumps fiancé over interest in royal wedding
Posted on April 7, 2011 | 1 CommentMan obsessed with Kate and William. -
Chicago public radio pledge drive leaves 1 dead, 4 injured
Posted on March 7, 2011 | 2 CommentsPolice are searching for whoever turned fund-raising effort into an episode of violent, blood-soaked mayhem. -
Elated Emanuel juggling which power to abuse first
Posted on March 3, 2011 | No CommentsRahm's already likes the sound of the Cubs playing at Emanuel Field -
Corporate event planner confuses ‘dog and pony show’ with ‘Tijuana donkey show’
Posted on February 24, 2011 | No CommentsAttendees got more than they bargained for from Pedro, The Promiscuous Pack Animal. -
White Sox, Alexei Ramirez agree to terms for 1,800 more head-scratching at-bats
Posted on February 7, 2011 | 2 CommentsThe White Sox secure 1,800 more bad at bats from their fan favorite -
Massive snowstorm fuels banal conversations citywide
Posted on February 2, 2011 | 2 CommentsSnow storms: pain in the ass, but boring people sure love to talk about 'em -
Amateur astrologer discovers new constellation
Posted on January 22, 2011 | 6 CommentsNew discovery by part-time star gazer is baffling pseudoscientists. -
Police issue annual warning over last-minute gifts
Posted on December 23, 2010 | No CommentsUnless you want to spend Christmas in jail or in the hospital, avoid these stinky stocking-stuffers. -
Defending Jesus, Jewish groups protest un-Jewish nature of Christmas celebration
Posted on December 20, 2010 | 1 CommentJews want Jesus' birthday party to acknowledge the man's cultural roots -
The USA Today to stop pretending to be real newspaper
Posted on December 20, 2010 | 2 CommentsThe USA Today crossword paper ends 28-Year experiment with news reporting. -
Editorial: With no one sitting in the exit row, who will assist the flight crew?
Posted on December 6, 2010 | 7 CommentsWhen chaos erupts and this plane is going down, who will step up? -
Exorcist dies after 58-hour battle with ‘Dominick, The Christmas Donkey’
Posted on December 3, 2010 | No CommentsThe Power of Christ is unable to compel 'Frosty The Snowman'. -
Sears CEO arrested in kill Santa plot
Posted on November 22, 2010 | No CommentsSanta targeted for opposing commercialization of Christmas. -
Suburban moms ready to invade and attack downtown with holiday cheer
Posted on November 17, 2010 | 3 CommentsMaking Chicago's shopping district miserable for city residents is hard work -
Boys Town election hinges on ever-swinging bisexual vote
Posted on November 4, 2010 | No CommentsSexy Alexi may have gone down, but some races remain in the balance -
Lou Piniella triumphantly hoists PS3 controller after long-awaited ‘MLB10: The Show’ World Series win
Posted on November 2, 2010 | No CommentsLou Piniella caps off an epic championship season in 'MLB10: The Show' for Playstation 3. -
Editorial: Sun-Times endorses Giannoulias, Tribune endorses Kirk, Dope thinks they both suck
Posted on October 27, 2010 | No CommentsYou say tomato, we say piece of shit -
Daley makes Rahm his son, clearing path to City Hall
Posted on October 2, 2010 | 2 CommentsRahm tackles a major procedural hurdle in his quest to become the Windy City's next mayor -
Tech News: Google algorithm determines that Jerry’s life is really boring
Posted on September 27, 2010 | 1 CommentNot everyone's inbox carries enough "priority" to impress America's most admired company. -
Gay man comes out as evangelical megachurch preacher
Posted on September 26, 2010 | 6 CommentsDaniel Gray has spent years in denial about his secret life. -
Ethical Humanist Society of Chicago rapes and pillages local videographer
Posted on September 24, 2010 | 2 CommentsEthical humanists rape and pillage a non-conformist. -
Misanthrope mistaken for misogynist
Posted on September 23, 2010 | No CommentsTotal jerk almost got himself knee-deep into a sexual harassment lawsuit. -
Bean sprouts
Posted on September 23, 2010 | No CommentsA Chicago landmark surprises residents by germinating. -
Man drunk dials ex-employer
Posted on September 21, 2010 | No CommentsRodney Tinsdale appeals to his former employer to remember the good times and consider taking him back. -
Study: Thinking about baseball represses desire for most everything
Posted on September 17, 2010 | No CommentsKeeping the nation's pastime in your head will make everything last longer -
Daley successor likely to have unpronounceable Eastern European last name
Posted on September 14, 2010 | No CommentsOn the heels of Chicago Mayor Richard Daley’s unexpected announcement that he will not seek reelection in 2011, speculation among political experts is rampant regarding potential successors to Daley’s long held keys to City Hall. Rumored candidates are thought to include White House Chief of Staff and former Chicago... -
Local pet supply store Pet-o-Philia goes out of business
Posted on September 6, 2010 | 1 CommentWithout explanation, a local business feels like it's being ostracized by their community. -
Education is the tits
Posted on September 6, 2010 | No CommentsHey kids, BOOBS! -
Muse demands return of inspiration taken by local psychopath
Posted on August 27, 2010 | No CommentsLocal woman asks to have the inspiration she unwittingly bestowed on a nutjob be returned as soon as possible. -
Chicago is pretty okay
Posted on August 23, 2010 | No CommentsThis city is a very baller place for so many different reasons. -
Local couple adopts Asian highway
Posted on August 7, 2010 | No CommentsThe Reeds finally got their very own four-lane stretch of highway to care for just outside of Tianjin. -
Hot Canadian girl confirms relationship with local teen
Posted on August 3, 2010 | 3 CommentsYou heard right, this babelicious Canadian is actually Taylor Samuelson's girlfriend. No, seriously. -
Council meeting deteriorates into drunken brawl over airport liquor licenses
Posted on July 30, 2010 | No CommentsA council meeting to discuss the new 24-7 liquor carts at Chicago airports turns sour. -
BP CEO Hayward ‘transferred’ to South Side gas station
Posted on July 28, 2010 | No CommentsThe embattled CEO will step down as chief executive and try his luck on the South Side. -
Total bitch in apt across the street hasn’t walked around naked in weeks
Posted on July 26, 2010 | No Comments"I used all my work sick days and stayed home four days straight. Nothin'. Bitch." -
Shopping spree claims the lives of hundreds of Chicago area men
Posted on July 20, 2010 | No CommentsThe afternoons of hundreds of local husbands and boyfriends were tragically lost in a horrendous shopping spree. -
BP to clog oil spill with Jim’s weekend diet
Posted on July 19, 2010 | 5 CommentsThe gluttony of a local bleacher bum proves useful to BP's team of engineers -
Video forensic guy not a ‘miracle worker’
Posted on July 19, 2010 | No CommentsForensic analyst expected to do the impossible with low-res images. -
Township orders residents to abandon non-English speaking babies
Posted on July 19, 2010 | No CommentsHomer Township adopts a new resolution to abandon babies who don't speak English. -
Area cows protest lactose intolerance
Posted on July 18, 2010 | No CommentsLocal cows stage a non-violent “milk-in" to call attention to a rising trend of lactose intolerance. -
Scientists to define kilogram using mass of area man
Posted on July 12, 2010 | No CommentsStruggling to find a consistent reference for the kilogram, scientists have found the unwavering mass of Travis Watson to be the universal constant they were looking for. -
It’s official: ‘Billy Elliot’ to exit Chicago in January 2019
Posted on July 12, 2010 | No CommentsThe producers of ‘Billy Elliot: The Musical” have announced that the show will be hanging around Chicago for the next nine years. -
Daley scolds gun owners: ‘You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!’
Posted on July 6, 2010 | No CommentsThe Mayor offers his response to citizens interested in purchasing a handgun. -
Oh look, another random homicide somewhere in Chicago
Posted on May 29, 2010 | 1 CommentSome kind of weapon just killed somebody somewhere.
