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School chess programs encourage more strategic bullying
11 May 2012 4:50 PM | No Comments -
End of the world looms according to Maya’s calendar
04 May 2012 9:15 AM | No Comments -
Net’s Best Satire: Chicago Dope featured in new e-book!
24 April 2012 10:20 AM | No Comments -
Taiwan recalls Jeremy Lin, still plans to increase exports
06 April 2012 6:05 PM | No Comments -
More states requiring chastity belts & scarlet letters
26 March 2012 8:33 PM | No Comments -
YouTube to delete unpopular channels to make room for more pet videos
12 March 2012 7:30 PM | No Comments -
Romney tells homeless to move in with their butlers
01 March 2012 5:44 PM | 2 Comments -
Activists posthumously gay marry dead Mormons
26 February 2012 2:22 PM | 2 Comments
Jesus stoned to death at ‘Values Voters’ summit
Jesus stoned to death at ‘Values Voters’ summit
Romney tells homeless to move in with their butlers
Romney tells homeless to move in with their butlers
Activists posthumously gay marry dead Mormons
Amateur astrologer discovers new constellation
Activists posthumously gay marry dead Mormons
Lucky Charms cereal enters gay marriage debate
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BREAKING HEADLINES
A Chicago Dope Exclusive!
About Mitchell Snyder
Mitchell Snyder is a fully-licensed and bonded International Man of Parody. He's also the alter-ego for a business professional who can't stop listening to the funny voices in his head. He became a card-carrying member of Chicago's comedy-industrial complex when he started performing stand-up early in 2009, and has since branched out into writing satire articles.
Send hate mail to mitchell.snyder@thechicagodope.com Recent Posts
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Banks announce fee for thinking about money
Posted on December 24, 2011 | No CommentsBanks find a unique new way to boost profits. -
Disgraced alderman silent on prison teardrop tattoo
Posted on November 28, 2011 | No CommentsAlderman 'Fast Eddie' Vrydolyak is mum about life behind bars -
Convicted serial killer proud of his Chicago roots
Posted on October 13, 2011 | No CommentsCrazed lunatic Tom Dombrowski does his hometown proud. -
NASA to pay cast of ‘Jersey Shore’ to stop being human
Posted on August 22, 2011 | No CommentsScientists are desperate to put a distance between East coast guidos and the rest of us. -
Music critic pretty sure that half of bands appearing at Lollapalooza don’t actually exist
Posted on May 6, 2011 | No CommentsAttendees won't be able to listen to Wolf Lick or Fuzzy Dildo after all. -
Chicago public radio pledge drive leaves 1 dead, 4 injured
Posted on March 7, 2011 | 2 CommentsPolice are searching for whoever turned fund-raising effort into an episode of violent, blood-soaked mayhem. -
Corporate event planner confuses ‘dog and pony show’ with ‘Tijuana donkey show’
Posted on February 24, 2011 | No CommentsAttendees got more than they bargained for from Pedro, The Promiscuous Pack Animal. -
Katy Perry’s breasts sign $8m deal with EMI Records
Posted on February 15, 2011 | No CommentsPop music's most popular duo decide to strike out on their own. -
Police issue annual warning over last-minute gifts
Posted on December 23, 2010 | No CommentsUnless you want to spend Christmas in jail or in the hospital, avoid these stinky stocking-stuffers. -
Loaves and fishes ‘miracle’ actually Never Ending Pasta Bowl, scholars Say
Posted on December 17, 2010 | No CommentsA celebrated story from the Bible may have involved more marinara than miracles. -
Exorcist dies after 58-hour battle with ‘Dominick, The Christmas Donkey’
Posted on December 3, 2010 | No CommentsThe Power of Christ is unable to compel 'Frosty The Snowman'. -
Astronomer discovers 30-year old black hole living on couch
Posted on November 22, 2010 | 1 CommentNot even hope can escape Dale's powerful gravitational pull. -
Randy Quaid to star in “I’m Still Here II: Psychotic Boogaloo”
Posted on October 26, 2010 | No CommentsThe actor's bizarre behavior is applauded as a renaissance of cinéma vérité. -
Report: May 6 ‘flash crash’ sparked by single large cat
Posted on October 4, 2010 | No CommentsRegulators believe that one cat's aggressive trading nearly brought the financial world to its knees. -
Facebook co-founder upset over portrayal in “I Spit On Your Grave”
Posted on October 1, 2010 | 3 CommentsMark Zuckerberg is depicted as a bloodthirsty hillbilly in a new film about Facebook. -
Obama tells America he wants to start seeing other countries
Posted on September 21, 2010 | 1 CommentThe country's once-hot romance with President Obama has collapsed. -
Rolling national debt onto credit card earns 13 trillion rewards points
Posted on September 2, 2010 | No CommentsThe Obama administration tries to find a silver lining to the country's economic woes. -
Toyota orders recall of time when its cars didn’t suck
Posted on August 27, 2010 | 1 CommentThe Japanese car maker longs for a simpler, more profitable time. -
Study: Texting while driving causes dogs to crash 100% of the time
Posted on August 20, 2010 | 2 CommentsResearchers conclude that dogs, automobiles and texting are a dangerous mix. -
Sports scientists win Nobel Prize for “Favre Uncertainty Principle”
Posted on August 10, 2010 | 1 CommentResearchers in Wisconsin prove that not even Brett Favre himself knows whether he'll play again. -
BP CEO Hayward ‘transferred’ to South Side gas station
Posted on July 28, 2010 | No CommentsThe embattled CEO will step down as chief executive and try his luck on the South Side. -
Palin erroneously calls uranium ‘heaviest element’
Posted on July 21, 2010 | No CommentsThe ex-governor of Alaska once again betrays her shocking ignorance of the facts. -
Area cows protest lactose intolerance
Posted on July 18, 2010 | No CommentsLocal cows stage a non-violent “milk-in" to call attention to a rising trend of lactose intolerance. -
Apple CEO beheaded by disillusioned users
Posted on July 17, 2010 | No CommentsApple's legendary CEO meets an untimely demise following an admission of fallibility. -
It’s official: ‘Billy Elliot’ to exit Chicago in January 2019
Posted on July 12, 2010 | No CommentsThe producers of ‘Billy Elliot: The Musical” have announced that the show will be hanging around Chicago for the next nine years. -
Daley scolds gun owners: ‘You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!’
Posted on July 6, 2010 | No CommentsThe Mayor offers his response to citizens interested in purchasing a handgun. -
Stephen King shopping list inspires latest SyFy mini-series
Posted on May 25, 2010 | 1 CommentThe SyFy channel will be broadcasting a new mini-series based on a shopping list written by the master of horror. -
Secret Amish settlement discovered in Union Station
Posted on May 25, 2010 | No CommentsOfficials announced that a heretofore unknown Amish village has been thriving for decades in an unused portion of Chicago’s Union Station railroad terminal. -
Hyde Park Chamber of Commerce launches ‘Fuck Evanston’ campaign
Posted on May 25, 2010 | No CommentsCommunity and business leaders gathered to unveil the latest public-relations campaign to draw shoppers, tourists and residents to this vibrant multi-cultural community. -
God forced to resign over ‘anti-gay’ comment
Posted on May 25, 2010 | No CommentsGod stepped down following the discovery of an anti-gay statement attributed to Him in the Hebrew Scriptures.
