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U.S. life expectancy rises on news of Hostess bankruptcy
18 November 2012 4:12 PM | No Comments -
Mitt Romney’s tax returns show link to piracy
23 October 2012 5:29 PM | No Comments -
New Apple iApple shows company branching out
17 September 2012 8:17 PM | 1 Comment -
Scalia to leave the Supreme Court next year
09 July 2012 9:02 PM | No Comments -
Gov. Rick Scott purged from Florida voter list
11 June 2012 5:31 PM | No Comments -
Presidential politics: Top Republicans wooing “Uncommitted” to swap tickets
24 May 2012 11:25 AM | No Comments -
JPMorgan loses $2 billion in three-card Monte game
21 May 2012 9:57 PM | No Comments -
Chicago NATO protests halted by weed and nachos
18 May 2012 11:42 PM | No Comments
Obama’s use of ‘air quotes’ throughout bin Laden announcement fuels conspiracy theories
Fox News: terrorist Snidely Whiplash on the loose
Puppy mill ban leads to sharp rise in puppy flour prices
Fox News: terrorist Snidely Whiplash on the loose
Jesus removed from Texas Bibles
Katy Perry’s breasts sign $8m deal with EMI Records
Katy Perry’s breasts sign $8m deal with EMI Records
Katy Perry’s breasts sign $8m deal with EMI Records
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BREAKING HEADLINES
A Chicago Dope Exclusive!
About JB Goodbody
JB Goodbody frequently has thoughts in his head that makes him smile. Were they made public at the moment they poofed into existence, without some form of structured outlet such as satire, these thoughts would cause significant distress among his friends, family and coworkers. This is why he is here. Recent Posts
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U.S. life expectancy rises on news of Hostess bankruptcy
Posted on November 18, 2012 | No CommentsAmerican life expectancy jumped 2.7 years after news broke on Friday that Hostess Brands will close operations. -
School chess programs encourage more strategic bullying
Posted on May 11, 2012 | 1 CommentAs part of an after-school chess program called Making the Right Moves, bullies can develop their tormenting skills -
End of the world looms according to Maya’s calendar
Posted on May 4, 2012 | No CommentsThe future looks grim if Maya Alvarado's planning calendar is to be believed. -
Taiwan recalls Jeremy Lin, still plans to increase exports
Posted on April 6, 2012 | No CommentsDespite setbacks, Taiwan to double production and have more Jeremy Lins playing in the NBA by next season. -
Scientists confirm Earth’s climatologists getting hotter
Posted on January 24, 2012 | No CommentsA new study reveals that the Earth’s climate scientists are melting hearts at record rates -
Judge rules Devil must return M. Night Shyamalan’s soul
Posted on January 11, 2012 | No CommentsThe Devil failed to provide the "writer/director" with the "unparalleled talent and fame" promised to him -
Campaign shocker: Michele Bachmann releases verifiably true statement
Posted on December 2, 2011 | No CommentsBachmann's camp is struggling with the firestorm that resulted from her uncharacteristically accurate observation. -
NASA: Robots winning space race
Posted on November 4, 2011 | No CommentsCan the U.S. catch up to the 'mechs'? -
Italian scientists successfully isolate antipasto
Posted on October 28, 2011 | No CommentsPhysicists were able to stabilize a plate of cured meats and brie-like cheeses for nearly four minutes. -
David Garrard finally drops David Garrard from his fantasy football team
Posted on October 13, 2011 | No CommentsGarrard eventually became impatient waiting for Garrard to be picked up by another team. -
Nobel Prize in Literature goes to guy who explained what this year’s Chemistry Nobel Prize was all about
Posted on October 7, 2011 | No CommentsUntil now, no one knew what on earth a quasicrystal was or why it should matter to anyone. -
Paterno misplaces his linebackers again
Posted on September 9, 2011 | No CommentsThere are growing concerns that Joe Paterno may be succumbing to the effects of old age. -
Local baby born ready
Posted on August 29, 2011 | 4 CommentsObstetricians who delivered little Trevor Gould have no doubt that he will be prepared to handle most anything. -
Fan stays up all night cramming for Lifehouse concert
Posted on August 19, 2011 | No CommentsJosh Thompson spent countless hours cramming and listening to everything the alternative rock band had ever recorded. -
Study finds over half of all emails entitled ‘Hey Girl!’
Posted on August 13, 2011 | No CommentsThis increasingly common salutation is taking over our e-mail boxes. -
Peyton Manning admits to just waving his arms around randomly back there
Posted on August 1, 2011 | No CommentsThe future Hall-of-Famer excels despite not understanding the difference between zone and a cover-2 defense. -
Boys recount perilous journey across lava-covered living room floor
Posted on July 18, 2011 | No CommentsThe Johnson brothers survived a harrowing experience and still argue with their friend Danny over whether he died or not. -
Chicago complains its sister city is ‘like, so totally annoying’
Posted on July 2, 2011 | 1 CommentBogotá, Columbia, Chicago's sister city since 2009, won't stop being such a butthead. -
Office jackass thinks he’s just ‘shaking things up a bit’
Posted on June 18, 2011 | No CommentsDavid West wants his co-workers to think 'outside the box'; his co-workers think he's a tool. -
Obama appoints new crossword czar/tsar czar
Posted on May 27, 2011 | No CommentsObama appoints Yale professor to tackle the growing list of versions of the Russian word for “Caesar”. -
Nation mourns: Interplanet Janet disintegrates upon reentry
Posted on May 14, 2011 | 1 CommentAdvanced space probe, war veteran and graduate of Schoolhouse Rock College exploded over the Gulf of Mexico Friday morning. -
Obama unveils plans for new nanny state that is smoking hot
Posted on May 11, 2011 | No CommentsObama hopes his approach for a nubile and extremely alluring protective social system will pay off. -
Texas traded to Mexico in four-state deal
Posted on May 7, 2011 | 3 CommentsMexican President Calderon went deep into his roster to acquire the Lone Star State -
Obama’s use of ‘air quotes’ throughout bin Laden announcement fuels conspiracy theories
Posted on May 6, 2011 | 2 CommentsObama: "Osama bin Laden, the world's most wanted "terrorist," was "killed" in "Pakistan" by the "U.S. military." -
‘Living each day as if it were his last’ leaves man clinically depressed
Posted on April 15, 2011 | No CommentsLiving like there's no tomorrow leaves little hope of tomorrow for Thomas Rittman. -
Shutdown averted: The Man continues to keep you down
Posted on April 9, 2011 | No CommentsThe plutocrats battle the autocrats over how to keep the little guy down. -
Escaped killer whale recaptured after rampage through Orlando
Posted on April 1, 2011 | No CommentsThe SeaWorld Orlando star can't seem to stay out of trouble. -
U.S. warns UAE for being just a bit too full of itself
Posted on March 24, 2011 | 65 CommentsThe State Department's message to Abu Dhabi: 'The senseless abundance must end!' -
Conspiracy theorist claims NASA picnic photos were faked
Posted on March 15, 2011 | 1 CommentDoes photographic evidence prove NASA’s annual picnic was a hoax? -
English mailman goes postal, dozens bruised in punching spree
Posted on March 1, 2011 | No Comments23 hurt when British post office employee goes on slugging rampage -
The woman from that one show dating that guy from Glee
Posted on February 24, 2011 | 1 CommentThe guy who's a cross between Dylan on 90210 and Justin Timberlake is dating the actress we've seen somewhere before. -
Survey: Most men believe pollster was definitely flirting with them
Posted on February 16, 2011 | 1 CommentMen across the country are falling for women who care about what they have to say. -
Puppy mill ban leads to sharp rise in puppy flour prices
Posted on January 28, 2011 | 5 CommentsPuppy milling restrictions may cost you at the supermarket. -
Amateur astrologer discovers new constellation
Posted on January 22, 2011 | 6 CommentsNew discovery by part-time star gazer is baffling pseudoscientists. -
Attempts to reform CSI: Miami Fan Club cause schism
Posted on January 13, 2011 | 1 CommentDoctrinal disputes over management of the popular show's fan site have led to a split. -
The USA Today to stop pretending to be real newspaper
Posted on December 20, 2010 | 2 CommentsThe USA Today crossword paper ends 28-Year experiment with news reporting. -
North Korea threatens war with USA Network unless The Starter Wife is renewed
Posted on December 13, 2010 | 1 CommentThe mighty armies of the Dear Leader will crush the enemy unless Debra Messing is returned to TV. -
Editorial: With no one sitting in the exit row, who will assist the flight crew?
Posted on December 6, 2010 | 7 CommentsWhen chaos erupts and this plane is going down, who will step up? -
Crime show reenactor mistakenly arrested for 45th time this year
Posted on December 1, 2010 | 1 CommentThe airing of a Cold Case Files episode led to dozens of tips from keen-eyed citizens. -
Ghost Of Christmas Present laid off due to budget cuts
Posted on November 23, 2010 | 3 CommentsThe Christmas Spirit has been hit by hard times and hopes to rebound through restructuring. -
Study: Researchers discover that they can’t stand each other
Posted on November 19, 2010 | 3 CommentsPaper entitled “Study of Ancient Ice Cores Reveal How Much I Really Hate These People” to be published in February. -
CIA admits drone strike killed six in Wisconsin wedding party
Posted on November 11, 2010 | 2 CommentsPredator-launched missile totally ruined Miller-Peterson wedding reception. -
Kevin Bacon now three degrees separated from Kevin Bacon
Posted on November 9, 2010 | 2 CommentsKevin Bacon struggles to stay relevant by attempting to get closer to his once famous self. -
Guinness’ Curse? Record holders for ‘World’s Oldest Person’ keep dying
Posted on November 5, 2010 | 8 CommentsWhy only this group of Guinness World Record holders is being targeted is a mystery. -
Will of God thwarted by the State of Delaware
Posted on November 4, 2010 | No CommentsThy will was not done in the Blue Hen State. -
NFL bans helmets to reduce helmet-to-helmet hits
Posted on November 1, 2010 | 3 CommentsNFL announced plans to reduce the number of helmet-to-helmet hits for good. -
With BP oil spill, God takes 2-1 series lead over New Orleans
Posted on October 17, 2010 | 1 CommentThe Almighty crushed The Big Easy in their last matchup and left the city struggling to find its way. -
Psychic’s dead mother wishes they would talk more
Posted on October 15, 2010 | No CommentsIf the disembodied spirit of Celeste Coil had her way, her psychic daughter wouldn’t wait so long between visits. -
U.S. to Guatemala: ‘You should probably get yourself checked out’
Posted on October 6, 2010 | 3 CommentsThe Monroe Doctrine has created some serious baggage. -
Child abuse study reveals fewer parents giving their kid something to cry about
Posted on September 30, 2010 | No CommentsResearch shows that knocking kids into next week is down 15% -
Gay man comes out as evangelical megachurch preacher
Posted on September 26, 2010 | 6 CommentsDaniel Gray has spent years in denial about his secret life. -
Misanthrope mistaken for misogynist
Posted on September 23, 2010 | No CommentsTotal jerk almost got himself knee-deep into a sexual harassment lawsuit. -
Man drunk dials ex-employer
Posted on September 21, 2010 | No CommentsRodney Tinsdale appeals to his former employer to remember the good times and consider taking him back. -
Study: Thinking about baseball represses desire for most everything
Posted on September 17, 2010 | No CommentsKeeping the nation's pastime in your head will make everything last longer -
Reggie Bush banned from striking Heisman pose
Posted on September 15, 2010 | No CommentsThe Heisman Trophy Trustees give Heisman Trophy winner the Heisman by taking away his Heisman. -
Rick Astley pranks his fans, rickrolls concertgoers
Posted on September 7, 2010 | 3 CommentsAstley dupes his fans with the most popular bait and switch prank ever. -
Local pet supply store Pet-o-Philia goes out of business
Posted on September 6, 2010 | 1 CommentWithout explanation, a local business feels like it's being ostracized by their community. -
Muse demands return of inspiration taken by local psychopath
Posted on August 27, 2010 | No CommentsLocal woman asks to have the inspiration she unwittingly bestowed on a nutjob be returned as soon as possible. -
Fate of the world rests on humanity’s recollection of high school math
Posted on August 23, 2010 | No CommentsLong Island native Stephen Reynolds may have doomed humanity with his disregard for the math he learned in high school -
Study finds tattoos, shaved heads, goatees no longer intimidating
Posted on August 12, 2010 | No CommentsNo longer considered fearsome, these fashion fads are adorned by anyone looking to be individuals like everyone else. -
Local couple adopts Asian highway
Posted on August 7, 2010 | No CommentsThe Reeds finally got their very own four-lane stretch of highway to care for just outside of Tianjin. -
Hot Canadian girl confirms relationship with local teen
Posted on August 3, 2010 | 3 CommentsYou heard right, this babelicious Canadian is actually Taylor Samuelson's girlfriend. No, seriously. -
Penthouse forum letters getting way too political
Posted on July 24, 2010 | 1 CommentIn recent months, readers' letter submissions to Penthouse magazine have become dominated by political rants. -
FEMA releases preparation guide for an extinction-sized meteorite impact
Posted on July 22, 2010 | No CommentsAfraid you might be unprepared for the next mass extinction event? Check out this meteor survival guide from FEMA. -
Shopping spree claims the lives of hundreds of Chicago area men
Posted on July 20, 2010 | No CommentsThe afternoons of hundreds of local husbands and boyfriends were tragically lost in a horrendous shopping spree. -
Video forensic guy not a ‘miracle worker’
Posted on July 19, 2010 | No CommentsForensic analyst expected to do the impossible with low-res images. -
Steinbrenner’s will leaves Yankees starting roster to Humane Society
Posted on July 17, 2010 | No CommentsYankees’ principle owner George Steinbrenner leaves half of the New York Yankees to the charity. -
Nation’s pet stores donate small animals for gulf cleanup
Posted on July 15, 2010 | 2 CommentsMillions of small household pets are arriving in the gulf to aid recovery efforts -
Child soldiers call ‘No tag-backs’ after attack on Ugandan troops
Posted on July 15, 2010 | 2 CommentsThe Youth Corps of the Lord’s Resistance Army calls dibs on this hallowed land. -
Al-Qaeda inadvertently accepts CIA’s Facebook friend request
Posted on July 13, 2010 | 4 CommentsThe CIA found a gold mine of crucial intelligence information when al Qaeda mistakenly accepted its Facebook Friend request. -
Scientists to define kilogram using mass of area man
Posted on July 12, 2010 | No CommentsStruggling to find a consistent reference for the kilogram, scientists have found the unwavering mass of Travis Watson to be the universal constant they were looking for.
