New Apple iApple shows company branching out

Apple’s magazine ad for the new iApple.

Apple stores worldwide were sold out on Monday of the new “must have” item among Apple aficionados. It’s called the iApple and it consists of a naturally grown fibrous and sugary material surrounded by a thin reddish membrane.

The iApple was largely ignored by the media because it was announced at the same time the new iPhone 5 was introduced to the public. That didn’t stop Apple fans from snapping up thousands of iApples over the weekend.

“This device is the perfect accompaniment for iPhone or iPad users who might otherwise forget to eat. It’s completely wireless so they don’t even have to plug these devices in order to use them,” said Apple CEO Tim Cook. “They provide calories, vitamins and fiber that our customers need. They also come pre-washed with an easily removable sticker of the Apple logo that our fans can collect.”

Sales were brisk at the Apple store in downtown Chicago, where customers lined up at dawn for the chance to buy up to three iApples at $200 apiece.

“Even if there’s a few bugs to be worked out, I’ve got to be the first person to have one,” said Apple fan Carlie Johnson of Chicago. “I’m going to wave this around in people’s faces at work and show it off. It’s going to make me much cooler than they are, I hope.”

University of Michigan student Clem Stevens drove all the way in from Ann Arbor for the big event. He managed to buy six iApples, the maximum amount per customer, and planned to sell them on campus or on eBay and make a profit–as long as he could keep from consuming them on his way back to school.

“I’ve got the Apple hat, the Apple backpack and the Apple shoes and jeans but I didn’t wear them today cause I didn’t want to seem like I was obsessed or anything,” Johnson said as he juggled an iPhone5, iPad and an iAbacus. “I’ve also got an Apple ‘tramp stamp’ but I’m not about to show that in public.”

Along with the release, Apple announced a new application or “app,” made available only iApple customers, which includes instructions on how to use the new device, recipes and when the optimal time is to eat the product.

Cook said the new device is a rare for the company, in that it is entirely made in the U.S. and those making it have a very low suicide rate. He said it was the brainchild of departed CEO Steve Jobs, who spent years trying to install an edible hard drive on the device before opting to leave its development up to Mother Nature.

“I know some people would say this is a first for our company, in selling a perishable product like this, but frankly we think the iApple will last about as long as the original iPhone did. We’re always coming out with new products,” Cook said. “Besides, it’s totally biodegradeable so it helps us look like we’re an environmentally friendly company.”

While Cook would not reveal what new products were on the horizon, industry insiders speculated that an iPear and an iOrange are also in development.

Related Posts:

About the Author

Marcus Manfred Marcus Manfred is an enigma. A simple and complex man who was raised by wolves in the lower upper part of the eastern west. He is more than you think and less than you know. He is the solution to every question you have ever asked, as long as the answer is three.