In an attempt to undo his slide in the polls, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney suddenly reversed his position on adultery and said he would cheat on his wife Ann at least three times before the next Republican presidential primary.
“Newt Gingrich turned his multiple affairs into an asset by attacking the media, so by golly what’s sauce for the gander is now a mighty goose for the gizzard,” Romney said at a campaign stop in Tallahassee, Fla. “That’s the kind of decisive determination you can expect from me as commander-in-chief too.”
Romney noted that the Mormon Church used to allow polygamy, so he would avoid the risk of committing a sin by marrying each mistress. He said the campaign had a couple of twentysomething volunteers lined up for the task and that each of them would have their choice of an offshore account in the Cayman Islands or Switzerland as part of their eventual “divorce” settlements.
Campaigning in Orlando, Fla., former House Speaker Newt Gingrich said Romney’s move smacked of desperation.
“This is yet another flip-flop by Gov. Romney. First he was anti-adultery now he’s in favor of adultery. I want everyone to keep in mind that I’ve always been in favor of adultery. Even when I was attacking Bill Clinton for fooling around with an intern, I was shtupping a member on my own staff,” Gingrich said. “I should point out that my mistress later became my third wife Callista so that proves I’m pro-family values as well.”
Gingrich said Romney was getting desperate to pull such a move and accused his opponent of trying to use religion to make an affair seem acceptable.
“What’s with all this pretend marriage baloney? Look, when I cheated on my wives there wasn’t any phony pretense or multiple marriages. I wanted an open marriage sure, but that was only after my second wife realized I was already cheating on her,” Gingrich said. “Gov. Romney is such a stick in the mud he can’t even commit adultery and get it right.”
Elsewhere on the campaign trail, Texas Rep. Ron Paul said that if Romney was going to have affairs, he should do so with his own servants and people that he owned—just like the founding fathers did.
Former Sen. Rick Santorum said he would never consider cheating on his wife with another woman, but he might fool around with a horse to get attention.
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