The 2011 Nobel Prize in Literature was awarded on Thursday to Dr. Roger Torain of Northwestern University for being the first person to effectively explain to the Nobel Literary judges what the hell a quasicrystal is and why the Nobel Prize in Chemistry this year went to its discoverer, Daniel Schechtman.
Dr Roger Torain of Northwestern University
A research professor in Northwestern’s Science in Human Culture Department, Torain studies the growing number of people who couldn’t give a rats ass about the scientific progress happening around them. His receiving the exalted literature award was for his email response to the Swedish Academy –the group who awards Nobel’s literary award– explaining to them in terms they could understand why quasicrystals are important and what practical uses they might have.
In his concise, three paragraph, heavily metaphorically-driven rhythmic verse on the fundamental structure of the asymmetrically ordered cluster of metallic atoms, Torain was able to bring Schechtman’s work out of the dark corners of pointy-headed chemi-nerds and into the world of the scientifically illiterate poets, dissident writers and fiction novelists.
According to Sture Allén, a judging member of the Swedish Academy, the Nobel Literature review team was struggling to understand what their colleagues in the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences were talking about when discussing among themselves the work of Schechtman, their own prize candidate.
“They would corner members of the Literature team in the coffee break room and use all their science-based terms to try to make us feel stupid,” Allén. “We hated being perceived as lesser intellectuals.”
It wasn’t until Allén got a reply to a text message he sent to Torain asking him “what pray-tell is a quasicrystal?” did the Nobel Literature Prize reviewers finally get clarity on the Chemistry Nobel-winner’s observations. It was for Torain’s email response, explaining in flowery poetics what all the fuss was about and freeing the Swedish Academy from the intellectual bullying by the chemists, that he was awarded the Literary award and $1.45 million in prize money.
Torain, who is described as writing in a manner suggestive of the combined styles of James Joyce and 1995 Nobel Laureate Seamus Heaney, described Schechtman’s quasicrystals in a way the Academy could understand; in a literary style crafting a stream of consciousness from the point of view of the electron microscope. According to the Swedish Academy’s statement, Torain “envisioned a pessimistic and alienated piece of laboratory equipment, trying to make sense of a disinterested world and weaved a story intersected by disjointed timelines and a discontinuous narrative…all in quatrain verse.”
Torain best explained the quasicrystals’ asymmetrical structure that is highly ordered but lack periodicity in this stanza;
A scope’s glimpse under an electron bath
Reflects a world revealing Escher’s angels and mosque tiles.
When it glimpsed again, it saw the same but different
Never repeating fore’r and e’er.
“We found out that these quasi-thingies were responsible for the highly resilient steel found in common items as well as in the coatings in the really expensive cooking pans our wives like,” Allén said, referring to another part of the email which reads;
And now you know, then what practical purpose?
The hardened metal of blades and needles.
And cooking on fry pans in the morning
Consistent eggs and potato cakes for all
Torain’s groundbreaking explanation has even helped scientists outside the chemistry field better understand what Schechtman’s quasicrystals were or why they even mattered. According to his peers, Torain’s use of snowflake and Islamic mosaic tile metaphors was a huge leap in helping them explain to their hipster beatnik brother-in-law what they do all day and why the billions spent on scientific research can be justified.
Torain’s photo by ceileke
JB Goodbody frequently has thoughts in his head that makes him smile. Were they made public at the moment they poofed into existence, without some form of structured outlet such as satire, these thoughts would cause significant distress among his friends, family and coworkers. This is why he is here. 
