New parents Reginald and Samantha Gould were pleasantly surprised late Saturday evening when, after the birth of their son, the obstetrician revealed that their eight and half pound boy was born ready.
According to doctors at Prentice Women’s Hospital in Chicago, little Trevor Gould was born with a strange case of perpetual preparedness, known medically as congenital hetoimosis, a condition that will likely keep him on the ball for the remainder of his life.
Dr. Cynthia Hooks, the parents’ obstetrician and a maternal fetal medicine specialist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital, said Samantha Gould went into labor one month early and yet their newborn infant was delivered at full term size and development.
“It was touch and go there for a while and no one was sure how he would do, but when he came out, slapped his own rear and set about trying to tie off his own umbilical cord, I knew instantly that he was raring to go,” Hooks said. “We have no doubt that this little guy will be fully prepared to handle anything life throws at him.”
Christopher Hubbard, a Northwestern Medical University child psychologist, has been evaluating the Gould’s new infant for the last three days and confirmed that Trevor has congenital hetoimosis. Hubbard says the condition, commonly known as being ‘born ready’, is very rare and gives the afflicted an increased capability to accomplish most everything, allowing them to live immensely successful lives.
“I’m just looking forward to see what greatness will be in store for him. There really is nothing that will get in his way,” Hubbard said. “If Trevor doesn’t invent the next alternative energy source, take his team to the Super Bowl, or lead an oppressed people to freedom I’d be very surprised.”
Trevor Gould at 20 weeks indicating 'so far so good'
Dr. Hubbard says that very few people are actually officially diagnosed but millions often mistakenly believe that they have this rare condition. He says that a vast majority of those claiming to be born ready are most often just ‘ready as they’ll ever be,’ which, according to Hubbard, is entirely different.
Doctors say people of should get tested for the condition by a trained physician and that self diagnosis can be dangerous, giving people a false sense of capability.
“They often have an inflated level of confidence going into situations that they often can’t handle,” Hubbard said. “Sometimes it can be dangerous.”
Fortunately for most people, thinking that they are born ready is just a harmless exercise in self-delusion used to reduce apprehension for early morning fishing trips, skydiving excursions, or quarterly business review presentations.
For children like Trevor Gould, however, being born ready is a gift that will reap rewards throughout his lifetime.
“I’m excited to see what’s in his future,” said Reginald Gould, the child’s father, having just learned of other famous hetoimosic people that include Chicago Bulls’ Michael Jordon, Alexander III of Macedon, who was also born great in 356 BCE, and Siddhārtha Gautama, who was born ready to found Buddhism.
Doctors say that congenital hetoimosis is just one of a broad group of medical conditions which may cause babies to be born to run, born free, born to be wild, and born country.
Main image by ordinary girl
JB Goodbody frequently has thoughts in his head that makes him smile. Were they made public at the moment they poofed into existence, without some form of structured outlet such as satire, these thoughts would cause significant distress among his friends, family and coworkers. This is why he is here. 
Thank God he wasn’t born with a silver spoon in his mouth. That happened to a friend of mine, and I am ever so grateful grateful the guy was able to grow up and find work as a taste tester for Grey Poupon….he truly wasn’t qualified for anything else.
She got knocked up by someone a month before you dude!
Clever and cute angle.
Thanks Johnathan. Keep coming back. More cleverly cute stuff surely to come.