Despite U.S. efforts to rescue Americans from the turmoil in Libya, a group of 20 Arizona tea party members have refused on the grounds that it conflicts with their beliefs about big government and the Constitution. The group is part of the Tea Party for Arizona, based in Phoenix.
“We read through our copies of the Constitution and we couldn’t find anything in there about the government having the right to help people in their time of need. For Uncle Sam to come rescue us would be un-Constitutional,” tourist Darrel Moorehead said by phone from Tripoli. “Besides, we’re really concerned about deficits and it would be too expensive for them to come get us.”
The group went there as part of a tour that became stranded when their guides either joined in protests against Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhaffi or were killed. Violence has ravaged the country for days and Gadhaffi, having vowed to fight to the last, used planes and helicopters to bomb and shoot protesters, while foreign mercenaries shot unarmed civilians on the ground.
“Some embassy people contacted us to see if we were safe and needed help. We told him to mind his own business. Everyone knows government employees are just goldbricking layabouts who welch off us hardworking taxpayers,” Moorehead said. “The U.S. government should defend the nation, not its people. It says so in the Constitution.”
Approximately 5,000 Americans live in Libya and an uncertain number are believed to be there on vacation along the Mediterranean Sea. On Tuesday two U.S.-chartered ferries docked in Tripoli but their departure date is uncertain. All U.S. Embassy personnel are also being evacuated.
“I don’t care if I get a bullet in the head or taken hostage, we are not getting on that boat. Some might say we’re crazy, but we’re not so crazy as to trample on the Constitution or accept federal help,” Moorehead said. “We’re not going to let big government trample on our rights. If we let the government rescue us, then where does it end? Clean drinking water? Protecting the environment? Making sure all Americans get a fair deal? A government that looks out for its citizens might lead to communism.”
Marcus Manfred is an enigma. A simple and complex man who was raised by wolves in the lower upper part of the eastern west. He is more than you think and less than you know. He is the solution to every question you have ever asked, as long as the answer is three. 
Well, at last! The perfect place for Tea Partiers. Smack in the middle of a bloody revolution.
“We read through our copies of the Constitution and we couldn’t find anything in there about the government having the right to help people in their time of need.” The RIGHT to help? This man is mad. If the US Govt did nothing to help, he’d be yelling about that. The US Govt is doing this, not because it’s not constitutionally mandated, you stupid bloody Republican, but because it has chosen to HELP YOU. There is so much wrong with what you say above that I can’t possibly respond.
You are so moronic that it would be completely fine if you and all your Tea Party cohorts stay in Libya but only until it’s liberated and then please oblige us all and move onto the next country in turmoil. And go out into the streets and get into the front line of the protesters and face down the guns and the riot police. The oppressed will thank you and the sane people will thank you.
Thank you.
I’d now like to say that so much unbelievable shit is happening that I’d believe anything and, clearly, I just did. The US is the home of unbelievable shit happening so it’s quite understandable that I believed the above. Besides, it’s very credible that Tea Partiers would do the above. They are just that stupid.
And, in my defence, I’ve never seen, heard of or read The Chicago Dope before tonight. And, if it’s not obvious to you from my spelling and punctuation, I am not American.
No worries, Eleanor. These stories fall under what we call Poe’s Law. That is, despite their absurdity, it is difficult to distinguish parody and real life.
Poe’s Law. I must remember that.