Boring people Chicago-wide rejoiced Wednesday afternoon at the arrival of this winter’s much-anticipated massive snowstorm.
As the city finds itself crippled by fierce winds and unrelenting snowfall, its dullest citizens are gleefully harvesting fodder to fuel their already ample supply of banal topics of conversation.
If you thought digging your car out was the worst of this storm, wait until you get to spend the next decade reliving it
“Obviously, we’re excited about what this storm has to offer,” said Ralph Morgan, an excruciatingly dull Aurora resident who has exhausted his colleagues in recent months with interminable accounts of his childrens’ youth soccer games. “Between the historical magnitude of this blizzard, the ripping winds, and the widespread school and office closings, every time snow is forecasted for the next decade, we will all have something to talk about.”
Evidence of mainstream culture’s hackneyed embrace of this storm as an item of widespread conversation is already prominently revealing itself. For example, Facebook newsfeeds quickly packing tight with trite, unoriginal posts like: “could there BEEEE more snow???” or “can someone remind me WHYYYY I live in this CITYYYY!?!?!” or “this BLIZZARD is INSAAAANE….I hope I have batteries for like 6 years!!!”
Aside from the expected Facebook posts, proof of the extreme weather’s burgeoning popularity among dull conversationalists is revealed by some more subtle indicators. For instance, the blizzard is already receiving worn, clichéd nicknames: it has been widely dubbed “Snow-a-palooza”, “The Snowpocalypse”, “Winterstock” and “Blizzardthon 2K11”.
Boring residents of other cities are expressing their resentment and envy at the new-found conversation fodder for uninteresting Chicagoans, whom they claim are already spoiled by a glutton of riches.
“Boring Chicagoans have it so easy when it comes to finding banal topics of conversation,” said Mary Gibson, a dull resident of suburban Philadelphia. “They can make tired references to the Cubs never winning the World Series; they can whine about traffic on I-94 and flight delays at O’Hare; they can make unsolicited comments to strangers about who serves the best deep dish pizza; and, as if that weren’t enough, they have crazy blizzards to relive in painful, mind-numbing detail. I guess my coworkers should consider themselves lucky that I don’t live in a city that lends itself to so much vacuuous conversation.”
Morgan could not help but agree.
“It’s an underrated thing about living in Chicago,” he said. “When you get a Snowpocalypse to talk about every year, it sure takes away the pressure to be charming or interesting in a conversation.”
Growing up outside of Cleveland, Ohio, Chandler formed a youthful and lasting love for sports, politics, comedy and melted cheese (full disclosure). The Chicago Dope is where his four loves often converge. He hopes you think this site is as dope as he does. 
this is your best.
hahaha. wow, I’m so late on this one, but good article Joseph.