A reputed terrorist mastermind managed to escape capture from Canadian Mounted Police and could be on his way to the U.S., according to a Friday report by Fox News.
The terrorist, known as Snidely Whiplash, apparently enjoys tying women to railroad tracks, robbing banks and attacking CMP forts in the wilderness. The information was first reported by Fox Newsmodel Gretchen Carlson on the “Fox & Friends” morning show.
“I’m not sure what channel I was watching, it must have been a Canadian network, but this guy Whiplash sure seems dangerous. In the report I was watching, he tied three innocent women to railroad tracks,” Carlson said. “In keeping with Fox news guidelines, I haven’t bothered to verify this information before putting it on the air, but it’s time for all of you to be very afraid. After all, we’ve got an election coming up.”
Carlson said Whiplash has green skin, a long black mustache and wears a black cape and top hat. He is also known for having a sinister laugh and reportedly enjoys foreclosing on mortgages. Carlson’s co-host Steve Doocy said this information proved that President Barack Obama could not be trusted to protect the nation.
“The fact that the Canadians haven’t caught this character shows the Obama administration isn’t serious about fighting terrorism,” Doocy said. “How many more innocent women will be tied to railroad tracks until Barack Obama invades Canada and puts a stop to it?”
Co-host Brian Kilmeade said the Obama administration should immediately “seal the border” between the U.S. and Canada by erecting a fence at any cost and putting the U.S. Army on patrol.
“How do we know there aren’t more Canadians sneaking into the U.S. to tie innocent damsels to railroad tracks?” Kilmeade said. “For all we know there could be an army of green-skinned evildoers menacing innocent Americans as we speak. Who knows, maybe this is what caused the housing crisis. Maybe this is part of some Canadian secret plot to wreck our economy and our railroads while removing damsels from our population.”
Carlson said she turned to Canadian television as a source of news after running a bogus story about the Los Angeles police buying jet packs—which she pulled from the comically fictional tabloid the Weekly World News.
Fox & Friends will have additional investigative reports through the rest of this week. On Tuesday Carlson will focus on the alleged infiltration of America by two Pottsylvanian spies named Boris and Natasha. On Wednesday, Carlson said she’ll expose a secret government project involving a talking dog named “Mr. Peabody,” his pet boy Sherman and their “WABAC” time machine.