Sources within both the Daley and Obama administrations have revealed that White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel’s debate over the last three weeks regarding whether to run for mayor of Chicago hinged primarily on whether Mayor Richard Daley would agree to adopt him as his very own son.
“Preparing to run for mayor of Chicago is not a simple process,” said a City Hall official, speaking anonymously. “Like any functioning monarchy, there are strict legal requirements to assuming power in this city: You have to be 18 years old; you have to be a resident of Chicago; and, obviously, you have to be Mayor Daley’s son.”
While reestablishing residency proved a minor hiccup for Emanuel, becoming Daley’s son has been a less seamless process than the notoriously impatient politico had hoped.
“Rahm thought that becoming Daley’s son would just involve the two of them showing up at the Social Services office and signing some paperwork,” the same source said. “But the Mayor really made Rahm jump through hoops to prove his worthiness of becoming a Daley.”
According to the source, Daley was particularly intent on imbuing Emanuel, a practicing Jew, with the Irish spirit so foundational to the Daley family tradition. For weeks, Daley insisted that Emanuel earn the privelege of becoming an adopted Irishman. As part of his regimen, the Mayor made Emanuel tell wild, obviously exaggerated stories about a cousin named Timmy; he forced Emanuel to drink heavily to deal with silent depression; and, most importantly, he insisted that Emanuel punch random guys in bars to ruin everyone’s good time.
Initially, sources say, Emanuel struggled adapting to the Daley way of doing things. After sending Emanuel to live in Bridgeport, Chicago’s Irish-American cradle of Mayors, Daley watched in bewilderment as the North Side resident spent his first days in the neighborhood aimlessly searching for, ”where he could find a bagel and lox for a decent price.”
While at times Daley nearly lost faith in Emanuel, eventually the ruthless poitician redeemed himself in the Mayor’s eyes.
“Just when the Mayor had given up hope that Emanuel could ever be his son, Rahm started casually mentioned all the powers he plans to usurp,” the source said. “In the Daley clan, usurping powers is just a fancy way of saying family reunion.”
Growing up outside of Cleveland, Ohio, Chandler formed a youthful and lasting love for sports, politics, comedy and melted cheese (full disclosure). The Chicago Dope is where his four loves often converge. He hopes you think this site is as dope as he does. 
Why can I actually see this happening?