Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg expressed disappointment over what he feels is an unfair depiction of his company’s business practices in the upcoming film “I Spit On Your Grave”. In the movie, the 26 year old billionaire is portrayed as a murderous hillbilly who first attacks, and is subsequently killed by, a terrified young woman. Movie critics have universally praised the film for its use of horrific violence as a metaphor for the encroachment of technology on individual privacy.
“This movie is clearly a work of fiction, regardless of what you think about Facebook making a profit off the private information you share with friends,” said Facebook spokesperson Regina Scott. “The movie makes it seem like Mark broke into your cabin, viciously assaulted you and then threw your lifeless body into a river. Believe me, when we exploit our customers, we are much more discreet than that.”
Although Facebook first reached out to the film’s producers in order to counter some of the more controversial claims made in “I Spit On Your Grave”, it soon became clear that nothing would stop this chilling story of bloodthirsty revenge from making its way to the silver screen.
“The parallels between the story in ‘I Spit On Your Grave’ and the rise of Facebook are absolutely intentional,” the film’s producer, Paul Hertzberg, said. “Like the vulnerable heroine Jennifer, Facebook users were first lulled into feeling they could safely and privately interact with their friends online using this exciting new medium. However, when they were least expecting it, Facebook aggressively changed its Terms of Use and tried to violently squeeze the last ounce of profit from what people posted online while making it very difficult for people to control what personal information strangers can see. That’s the symbolism behind the terrifying gang attack on Jennifer.”
“But Jennifer has her revenge,” Hertzberg continued. “In ‘I Spit On Your Grave’, it’s by hunting down and castrating her attackers with a chainsaw. For Facebook, revenge comes from having a disenchanted user like me make a million-dollar movie about Mark Zuckerberg’s private life and placing it on the silver screen for millions of viewers to peer into.”
“From that perspective, it’s essentially the same story.”
Critical reviews of the movie have been very positive. Chicago Sun-Times reviewer Roger Ebert observed, “The tortures afflicted upon Jennifer mirror the humiliation I felt recently when I tried to close my Facebook account. It turns out that it is extremely hard to do, and much like the hapless heroine, I wanted to throw my broken and beaten body into a raging river just to escape the torment …”
The New York Times also gave the film an enthusiastic endorsement, with movie critic A.O. Scott writing that “This movie paints a compelling portrait of evil incarnate, whether it be a gang of redneck marauders or a website that claims perpetual rights to a user’s words and pictures, even after that user dies. Both are equally horrifying.”
In a last ditch effort before the movie’s premiere this weekend, Zuckerberg sent out a cautionary note to his millions of friends on Facebook.
“I would ask everyone to save your money and not watch ‘I Spit On Your Grave’,” Zuckerberg wrote. “Every frame of the movie is full of lies, innuendos and distortions. Go watch another movie like ‘The Social Network’ … whatever that’s about.”
Mitchell Snyder is a fully-licensed and bonded International Man of Parody. He's also the alter-ego for a business professional who can't stop listening to the funny voices in his head. He became a card-carrying member of Chicago's comedy-industrial complex when he started performing stand-up early in 2009, and has since branched out into writing satire articles.
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This is great
Wasn’t aware Zuckerberg could swing a bat.