An investigation has revealed that members of The Ethical Humanist Society of Chicago have been raping and pillaging local videographer Gregory Koger ever since his arrest by Skokie police at a society meeting last November.
The controversial arrest and trial came to a head on September 8, when Cook County Circuit Judge Marguerite Quinn sentenced Koger, 31, to 300 days in jail following convictions for criminal trespass, simple battery and resisting arrest. On Wednesday, Quinn denied the reinstatement of Koger’s bond and refused to reconsider her earlier sentencing.
“I just don’t think he’s been raped and pillaged enough yet,” Quinn said in response to questions.
Ethical humanists began raping and pillaging Koger on November 1 of last year after he videotaped a statement by Sunsara Taylor, a writer for the Revolutionary Communist Party’s Revolution newspaper. Taylor had been invited to speak at the society, but her talk had later been canceled for undisclosed reasons.
However, she was permitted to make a statement inviting society members to hear her speak at a private home, and she asked Koger to videotape her. When asked to put away his video camera, Koger complied with the request but began using his iPhone to record her speech. This action caused the gathering of humanists to be overwhelmed with berserkergang - a fit of madness characteristic of the Skokie society members, who immediately donned chainmail and spangenhelms and began raping and pillaging Koger.
When they had finished violating Koger, the humanists slaughtered his cattle, set his possessions on fire, and smashed his iPhone with mighty hammers. After the first successful rape and pillage, EHSC members continued to rape and pillage Koger “every time Thor directed [them] to do so.”
Although written requests to the EHSC for information were ignored, Dope reporters were able to interview a society member – who spoke on the condition of anonymity – outside the organization’s offices on Lincoln Avenue.
“As we continue in our quest to engender a rational, compassionate philosophy of life, our goal is to focus on what we have in common with others, not on what divides us,” the spokesman said while sharpening his seax. “Unless we find ourselves face to face with people who espouse ideas and opinions that we don’t agree with – communist sympathizers like Koger, for instance. Those people must be raped and pillaged as long as they live. Their apartments must be looted and razed, their crops must be set on fire and their sailboats must be sunk into the lowest depths of Lake Michigan.”
“Koger was repeatedly raped and pillaged because he dared to exercise his legal right to videotape in a public forum,” the humanist huskarl continued. “We completely dominated him with our ethics. Praise Odin.”
According to the EHSC’s website, the association’s members “believe in deed without creed, working for a better world, and raping and pillaging whomever [they] feel like raping and pillaging, without explanation.” While it recognizes “the worth and dignity of every person,” the society does not hesitate to rape and pillage anyone who is unable to attain its lofty ethical standards.
Inside his prison cell, Koger expressed frustration.
“Why have I been so savagely raped and pillaged for committing no crime, when guys like Jon Burge can torture police suspects for years, lie about it, and still be allowed to post bond after their conviction?” he asked. “Do these freaks get their ethics from 11th century runestones?”
brandt stepped out of apartment one day got hit by untouchable tours bus wrote sad sad sonnet about it developed writing addiction started blog stopped it started it again then stopped it developed whiskey addiction flew on plane to brazil to live in jungle and find meaning of life found dead guy flew back to chicago freelanced for awhile wrote some satire smoked cigar got job and settled down like frog legs in hot frying pan
I signed the petition, and also I texted Thor to see if he’d let me use Mjöllnir against the traitorous humanist scum. I’ll let you know if I hear back.