Education is the tits

Dear students of Chicago Public Schools,

Unless you’re one of those wankers that started on August 9 at a Track E school, the fall semester begins tomorrow with fresh opportunities and also some pretty goddamn hot pictures of boobs.

Yes, you read that right. Our educational theme for this year is boobs. After requesting feedback from parents and considering the advice of international boob experts, the Chicago Board of Education has elected to adopt this theme with the belief that it will help students get excited about attending classes.

We’re pretty sure this boob thing will be very effective. Hell, most of our teachers and staff have said they would have enjoyed school a lot more when they were kids if they’d had boob pictures to inspire them.

It’s going to be a great semester!

A famous drunk Australian once said, “Education is the tits.” Although we endorse neither drunkenness nor Australians, we here at CPS have chosen to print that inspirational quote on our entire portfolio of motivating boob images, and we are excited to offer students a sneak peek of two of the pictures that will be appearing in lockers, restroom stalls, cafeterias, and chemistry labs across Chicagoland next month:

Boobs for the boys.


Man boobs for the gals.

(Image source)

Please note that the black boxes have been added to meet The Chicago Dope’s image policies, and will NOT appear on the actual pictures. I repeat, there will be NO BLACK BOXES when you show up for classes on September 7.

Although the above images depict Caucasian boobs, students should be aware that the board has spared no expense in selecting boobs from a wide variety of races, cultures, religions, and sexual orientations to reflect its dedication to diversity. Black boobs, Asian boobs, teenage boobs, lesbo boobs, and some smoking hot Mormon boobs. We’ve got ‘em all.

We look forward to welcoming you back to school with boobs after a long summer vacation of forgetting whatever it was we taught you last year.

Excelsior!

Sincerely,

brandt
Chief Executive Officer
Chicago Public Schools

P.S. Boobs.

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About the Author

brandt brandt stepped out of apartment one day got hit by untouchable tours bus wrote sad sad sonnet about it developed writing addiction started blog stopped it started it again then stopped it developed whiskey addiction flew on plane to brazil to live in jungle and find meaning of life found dead guy flew back to chicago freelanced for awhile wrote some satire smoked cigar got job and settled down like frog legs in hot frying pan Send me hatemail