Toyota Motor Corp. has petitioned the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration to authorize the recall of a time when its cars weren’t known for unexpected stalling, unintended acceleration, braking defects, steering problems and painfully bland design.
“With this recall, we’re hoping that drivers will soon be able to forget all about our recent problems. They’ll once again assume that everything is okay when we all know that our automobiles are less reliable than a paper umbrella in a hailstorm,” said Toyota spokesperson John Rodgers. “It’s about providing peace of mind.”
This latest move is intended to compensate for a bevy of recalls issued over the past year that have damaged the company’s reputation for quality. Following complaints from drivers, Toyota has been forced to issue recalls for its popular Prius, RAV4, Corolla, Matrix, Avalon, Highlander, Camry, Tundra and Sequoia models. The company also recently issued recalls for its A-BAT and FT-HS concept cars, which technically don’t exist yet but continue to be plagued with imaginary problems, including leakage when driving underwater and malfunctions when transforming into giant robots.
“Toyota is known the world over for its policy of continuous improvement,” said Rodgers. “In this case, ‘continuous’ simply means turning back the clock about a year or so and ‘improvement’ means not creating self-directed suicide machines. It’s about putting less harakiri into our automobiles and adding more kaizen.”
While regulators welcomed Toyota’s latest move, some industry insiders are looking at this latest recall with a weary eye.
“There is some speculation that this entire series of recalls is actually part of a secret marketing plan by Toyota to boost the brand’s attractiveness,” said auto industry analyst Mark Thomson. “For sure, Chrysler’s Dodge Challenger looks fantastic, but does driving one mean that you might ‘accidentally’ run over your mother-in-law? Only Toyota can provide that kind of alibi.”
This article originally appeared on The Daily Blank.
Mitchell Snyder is a fully-licensed and bonded International Man of Parody. He's also the alter-ego for a business professional who can't stop listening to the funny voices in his head. He became a card-carrying member of Chicago's comedy-industrial complex when he started performing stand-up early in 2009, and has since branched out into writing satire articles.
Send hate mail to 
Hilarious! Thank you!