Target/Best Buy announce anti-gay product lines

Major retailers Target and Best Buy announced Monday they’re introducing anti-gay product lines which they claim will reduce or eliminate any chance of their customers being gay. The efforts are a continuation of each company’s support for anti-gay politicians.

Each company donated corporate funds to support Minnesota’s Republican gubernatorial candidate state Rep. Tom Emmer, who opposes gay rights, gay marriage and opposes funding for AIDS prevention programs. Target gave $150,000 to the political action committee MN Forward, which is using the money to support Emmer, while Best Buy gave the group $100,000.

Target’s entry into the anti-gay marketplace is its new clothing lines called “Strait Boyz” and “Girly Girlz.” Target CEO Gregg Steinhafel said the clothes were designed without any input from gay staffers and were created with each gender specifically in mind. The girls’ line focuses on pink colors, skirts and unicorns, while the boys’ line uses darker colors and has pictures of tools, trucks and unfiltered cigarettes.

“The cotton for these garments comes from fields down south where everybody knows gays don’t exist, and that’s for a reason. We personally inspect the fields to make sure the cotton rows are perfectly straight,” Steinhafel said. “If a field seems more feminine, then that cotton goes to the girls’ line. If it seems more rugged or masculine it goes to our boys’ clothing line. We make sure the threads are never mingled and we even segregate them in our factories.”

Best Buy CEO Brian J. Dunn said his company had a harder time developing its anti-gay products, until software developers came up with subliminal messages that could be coded into all of its electronic devices. When an MP3 player or TV is used, the consumer is bombarded with a steady stream of quick messages that are nearly undetectable to the naked eye or ear. These messages include the phrases “don’t be gay or you’ll be unwanted at Best Buy,” “it’s better to be straight” and “only queers shop at Radio Shack.”

Dunn insisted their corporate support wasn’t only about the retailers suddenly favoring the fringe elements on the far right. Since corporate donations were approved by the Supreme Court in January, he predicted an open season on companies purchasing political influence.

“It’s up to each corporation to look out for their stockholders’ best interests and buy as many politicians as possible. Emmer may be a hardline wingnut in a moderate state, but he’ll be our wingnut and have to do our bidding,” Dunn said. “He’ll favor corporations over working families and is against the minimum wage, that’s what we really like about him. The homos will just have to lump it.”

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