Unlike her recently hidden naked body, total bitch's apartment seen here.
On Friday, after days of casual, mental notation, Scott Rothschild of the Newberry apartment complex in Chicago, IL concluded that the attractive woman living across the street had not walked around her apartment naked in weeks and is likely “a total bitch.”
When Rothschild first noticed the drought nearly a week ago, he reasoned there might be a scheduling conflict, but that turned out not to be the case. “It’s not like she’s gettin’ naked at a different time,” says Rothschild. “I used all my work sick days and stayed home four days in a row. Nothin’. Fuckin’ bitch.”
During those four days, Rothschild says he moved only to go to the bathroom and answer the door when the pizza man arrived. The 36 year old insists he was never gone from the window long enough for her to get naked or do anything even remotely hot. “I’ve had a few close calls, where I think ‘oh man, finally!’ and then she’s just like changin’ sweaters or some shit and my zippers down and I’m all ‘really?’”
When asked if he had considered that perhaps she’s dressing and undressing in the dark, a defeated Rothschild pulls out a pair of night vision goggles. “I’m tellin’ you, bro, I’ve thought of everything,” he says pointing to the dry erase board in his kitchen. It’s teeming with schematics and viewing angle equations. “I know, right? Makes no sense.”
Rothschild, an IT specialist, has a few theories on the severe drop in birthday suit activity, but is beginning to lose interest and even appears deflated. ” Listen, she’s either gettin’ dressed in the bathroom–which is out of view, or she’s fuckin’ some douche at his place.”
“Look, all I’m sayin’ is, she seemed like she’d be cool to meet in person, but now… I don’t know, I’m just gettin’ this super bitch vibe from her.”
Andy is a writer, comedian and human in the greater Chicagoland area. He enjoys writing, comedianing and humaning. His other endeavors includes jokes on 
