With the death of New York Yankee’s owner George Steinbrenner still fresh in the news, the Humane Society was surprised by the announcement that they will be the recipient of the generous legacy donation comprised of the entire New York Yankees roster.
At the reading of Steinbrenner’s will, his immediate family as well as the entire sports world, were shocked to learn that the 2009 World Champions, his most prized possession, and one of the most valuable sports brand in American sports, was to be left to the animal rights organization.
Bronx Bomber notables Jorge Posada, A.J. Burnett, and Francisco Cervelli, were apprehensive about the deal but are coming to terms with relocating to the Humane Society of New York headquarters in Manhattan.
Derek Jeter, however was not happy with the decision.
“I know we should respect the wishes of George but I can’t say I’m pleased about this,” said the 11 time All-Star and 2009 Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the year. “Hey, I love dogs and cats and whatever. I’d just rather be playing baseball than cleaning out kennels, is all I’m saying.”
Alex Rodriguez however was thrilled with the announcement, saying that he never was very happy with the move from shortstop to third base anyway and was looking forward to his new role as staff veterinarian.
“It’s about time I tried something new and I think this role will allow me to utilize both my God-given talents as well as my love for animals,” Rodriguez said. “I’ll do whatever the team needs me to do. I just want to contribute.”
Team manager Joe Girardi is optimistic about the changes. He says that he expects to move into the front office of the Humane Society by the end of the month but pointed out that the rest of the Yankees management staff will stay behind to reconstruct a competative team for next year.
“They can pull from a deep inactive roster and still put together a viable team,” Girardi said. “Besides, even with only half of the salary budget we had last year, they still have a higher payroll to spend on rebuilding their organization than the Padres and Marlins combined.”
Astonished yet accepting of her husband’s wishes, Elizabeth Steinbrenner believes that the donation to the Humane Society will do some real good. “George always loved animals and I think that our Yankee bullpen will do a great job in reaching out the community about the importance of spaying and neutering our nation’s pets.”
Also being gifted to the Humane Society are the Yankees’ double and single A minor league farm teams the Trenton Thunder and Charleston RiverDogs, which will be used as training centers for future dog groomers and pet trainers.
In lieu of sending flowers, the Steinbrenner’s estate asked other team owners to also consider donating their third base coaches or designated hitters to their local The Humane Society as well.
JB Goodbody frequently has thoughts in his head that makes him smile. Were they made public at the moment they poofed into existence, without some form of structured outlet such as satire, these thoughts would cause significant distress among his friends, family and coworkers. This is why he is here. 
