Community and business leaders gathered Monday afternoon in Harper Court on Chicago’s South Side to unveil the latest campaign by the Hyde Park Chamber of Commerce to draw shoppers, tourists and residents to this vibrant multi-cultural community.
“From our museums and galleries, to our fine restaurants and stores, there is no other neighborhood in Chicagoland that offers the same array of commerce, culture and diversity that we offer here in Hyde Park. That’s why we think there’s never been a better time to say ‘Fuck Evanston’ and come to Hyde Park,” Chamber of Commerce president Maxine Slaughter said to a wave of applause from supporters and onlookers.
This unorthodox promotion is but the latest salvo in a friendly rivalry between the two communities that goes back for decades. To some, this competition is surprising, given how similar the two are. Both Hyde Park and Evanston are home to leading institutions of higher learning. Both tend to have a politically liberal climate. Both feature tree-lined drives and million-dollar homes. And, most importantly, leaders from both communities are eager to attract the educated and affluent, both as consumers and as residents.
However, up until now, the taunts have been friendly. Last year, Evanston launched a playful yet understated campaign entitled “Don’t Get Shot In Hyde Park”, complete with bulletproof vests and wanted criminal posters. This is the first time in recent memory where explicit verbal assault has been employed.
“We don’t want people to get the wrong idea,” said Chamber of Commerce member Todd Jameson. “Without a doubt, Evanston is a world-class city with a very pleasant retail district and charming recreational facilities … but, rest assured, Hyde Park will kick its ass. If you’re from Evanston, we’ll beat you down so bad you’ll be crying for your mommas … and then we’ll kick their asses, too.”
The Chamber of Commerce’s new campaign slogan, developed in consultation with the Wyndham and Strathmore Marketing Group, will be advertised on lawn signs, in shop windows and on t-shirts that are being sold in and around the neighborhood. When asked about the response the group has received so far, Slaughter was optimistic.
“Well, as you might imagine, some business leaders were a little put off by the slogan, initially. One banker told me privately that he would have preferred something a bit more politically correct, such as ‘Evanston Is Homosexual’ while several real estate developers were secretly campaigning for a slogan that incorporated the issue of diversity, such as ‘Evanston Hates Blacks’. Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed,” Slaughter said. “I think ‘Fuck Evanston’ is fairly proactive and unambiguous. It’s something everyone can gather around and support.”
Following Slaughter’s speech, several community leaders spoke to the crowd to rally support for the new campaign. Among them was the Reverend Horace Mason of the Midway Baptist Church who said, “I think everyone can agree that in these historic times, we have a unique opportunity to take bold and innovative measures to improve things. We must have the courage to say what really needs to be said. Now, more than ever, it’s important that we ‘Fuck Evanston’. And, with God as our witness, we will fuck it hard.”
It is hoped that this new campaign will result in greater commercial activity and awareness in the Hyde Park area. Depending on its success, additional efforts may be undertaken to build upon the ‘Fuck Evanston’ campaign. When asked what direction those efforts may take, Chamber secretary Michelle Roger‘s answer was unequivocal.
“Those pussies in Oak Park are next.”
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This article was originally featured on The Daily Blank.
Mitchell Snyder is a fully-licensed and bonded International Man of Parody. He's also the alter-ego for a business professional who can't stop listening to the funny voices in his head. He became a card-carrying member of Chicago's comedy-industrial complex when he started performing stand-up early in 2009, and has since branched out into writing satire articles.
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